Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
