There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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