he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
