my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
