Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize