Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
