This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize