Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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