walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
