i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
