we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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