so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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