I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
