I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
