I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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