I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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