this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
