Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
