sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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