I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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