if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
