You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
