I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
