her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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