She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
