If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize