you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize