no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Drake has all the answers
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
