I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Success! We fucked roommates!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
