She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
