my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
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