People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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