Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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