I'm sorry my penis didn't work
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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