I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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