Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
