Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My ass is underappreciated
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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