Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
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