Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
