respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize