Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
