I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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