I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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