Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
