we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
