Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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