You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
