rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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