Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
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