Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
