I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
