I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize