remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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