too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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