He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
