And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
