please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
