well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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