he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
