He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
