just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
