You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize