If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
false alarm, still single
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