Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
