youre lurking in front of me
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
