just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
