are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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