4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
