well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
